Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich (and beer)
Made by: Braeden
Totally just a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich…
Recipe
Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich (And Beer)
Servings: 1
Prep time: 6 hours
Cook time: 5 minutes
Total time: 6 hours 5 minutes
Ingredients
Loaf of white bread
Butter
Peanut butter
Jelly
Beer
Directions
Get to the nearest grocery store, whichever one you think will have the cheapest peanut butter, jelly and bread.
Select the finest white bread (the bleached one, not the communist mom bread with the vitamins in it).
Move to the next aisle for the largest available volume of chunky peanut butter. While there, also cop a similar-sized jar of jelly. Ensure that it’s a normal flavour, like strawberry or raspberry, maybe even grape, but nothing too weird like fig or marmalade. No way.
Move on to the refrigerated section. Take a break, cool down. Shopping is hard!
Now look over your shoulder and grab the salted butter. Salt makes everything better.
IMPORTANT: Most recipe instructions do not mention that you should pay for the ingredients, but this is key to a successful culinary experience.
Head to your local beer distributor and get yourself a delicious brew, preferably something smooth and easy to drink quickly.
Once you arrive home, it’s time to start crafting those beautiful sandwiches. First you will need to throw away the two end pieces of the loaf. Nobody wants those.
Next, select the finest pieces of bread in the loaf: those located directly in the centre, if you managed not to squish them all on the way home.
Place slices of bread into a toaster, toaster oven, oven, frying pan, hot plate, radiator, hood of a running car or (if preparing at a campsite or trailer park) on sticks over a fire.
Once toasty, remove bread (hereon in referred to as “toast”) from culinary device or open flame. Place toast slices on a plate and butter them. If you’re using a frying pan or fire, you’ll want to butter your bread first. NOTE: Use butter at room temperature. Buttering with cold butter is like trying to eat spaghetti with a hammer.
Now evenly spread peanut butter on one slice of toast while spreading jelly on the other slice. There’s a dangerous idea floating around that you can contain the jelly in the centre of the sandwich by building a peanut butter “wall” along the outer edge, sealing in the precious jelly. This ridiculous idea is misguided and strongly discouraged. Even distribution of both spreads is essential.
Carefully merge the two toast substrates evenly, spreads facing toward each other. Ensure a strong, reliable bond between peanut butter and jelly.
Serve with an ice-cold beer. Don’t bother pouring it into a glass, as you’re probably going to chug it after all your hard work. Relax and enjoy!
Beverage pairing
Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Hot tip:
Throw a high schooler $30 and your ID and you won’t need to go to the beer store yourself!